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amodernslut

mini musings – untitled [7-20-17]

Misanthropic, to say the least
nay, epitomize
Racing thoughts shan’t be policed

how much heavier are their pockets
how much weaker your mind
when lights, dimmed from their source
like sheep to slaughter, now are blind


emotions regimented, thoughts dampened
eliminating the the skew between normal and you

medical maladies mocking morality
prey on their ignorance
profit off their fear

felo-de-se

false acquaintances tend to my loneliness
and my heart sings a song, unheard

flirtations abound with fictitious antidotes
boasting their fix- a perception, blurred

master savage

that first night at mine- when you came over to go hot tubbing
I didn’t tell her and you didn’t tell him
plucking the blue flower from fields of yellow
he’d never forgive you and you’d never care

you crawled off of me as quickly as you crawled on
said my body didn’t seem to want you
how my legs just kept closing

I told you about that first time and you said
it made sense
we cuddled and I thought you cared
too easy, mate

long nights at yours, slumber parties on the regular
a month flies by when your heart is fluttering
tequila shots after my long night in Ybor

“there are those who fuck and those who don’t”
Adam- the roommate you never deserved
testosterone- his favorite drug
my legs look like they can ride a dick
he spoke of fucking me ;
you smirked into your Evan Williams
and later fell asleep, holding me
hardness against me

in the morning you’d make yourself sick
and come crawl back behind me
me, massaging your temples
you say show me, what else can you rub?

I didn’t.
but someone else
she had & she was & she did

that last time you dealt to me
and your face when he got in the car

Was I prettiest to you when I wanted you least?

go fuck yourself

Balled up
like clenched fists
but buried deep
in the pit of my tummy

Spazzing out
like temper tantrums
behaviorally disordered but
coursing through my blood

Burning up
like hot spells of summer
but scalding the skin
behind ears and on neck backs

physical indications –
cognitive adjustments

“go fuck yourself”

ultimatums

and my mind rages war
against itself
for I have, again
creating dungeons of misery
perpetuated my own hurt
and in it
I shall wither

writer’s block

effort kills authenticity; truly

in a manner similar
if not identical

to the way maryjane
murders motivation

or snowflakes
annihilate appetite

untitled poem-2

I am suspecting, yes
a correlation
between lack of attention
and well,
don’t make me say it

I am fearing, yes
unignorable ingenuity
for when one truth is a lie
well…
don’t make me say it

silver daddy

tall with skinny jeans, grey flecked hair
leaned taut over the table
ball sinks

my dollar down, my girl your guy
the hes take it, our partners leave

hours of pabst blue ribbon
and poorly banked shots

tommy sells us yay
by the payphone in the back

pizza at the corner shop,
dirty and greasy
like I imagine us in my mind

we walk the two blocks
to your hotel; second floor

i sit and cut the lines,
you lay back amused
my 11 years junior
an energy you miss

you caress me for hours
an intimacy forgotten

you tell me about your kids
your happy marriage

i feel beautiful by your side

i try to leave later
sneaking quietly from the bed

you ask me to stay
“its nice to hold someone”

i say nothing as he wraps
himself around me

sunshine shines through
and he sneaks into the shower
he insisted i take

soapy bubbles on my back
takes me from behind

i leave my number
on the hotel thoughts pad

hotel exit, continental breakfast
you still on my mind

untitled poem-

 

your name
now poison in my heart
the  beating, still as hard
still as hard
but to a different beat
deceit

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